Summer Berry Crisp

I love summer because it means the promise of sweet, plump berries.

Recently we attended, and happily ate, at our friend's Glen & Sara's rib event "Ribocalypse II: The Ribture". We survived the Rapture and what better way to celebrate than with ribs, grilled corn on the cob, grilled veggies, picnic caviar and a triple berry crisp. Another friend brought the triple berry crisp which was SO delish! It went really well with the homemade peach ice cream Glen & Sara made, I must say!

Ah, here is a cross section of the crisp all warm and bubbly from the oven.

I made the triple berry crisp last night to share with dear friends. Thanks to Cara providing me the link for the recipe which you can find here!

Summer Bucket Fun List 2011

My friend Stacie shared a link with me recently about a Summer Fun Bucket List. The blog inspiration came from Little Wonder's Days. It seemed like a great idea to put a visual on all of the fun things we'd like to cram into this summer.

Based on Little Wonder's Days we color coded ours as such:

Green: All Day
Blue: Half Day
Orange: 3 hours or less

Here is the list we came up with to make our Summer extra fun!

Life lessons from atop Two Bit

It has been nearly 35 years since I've been atop a horse. Even then, when I was the tender age of 5, the horse was on an exercise wheel so it was a very controlled experience (probably a good thing for a 5 year old).

Maggie has ridden her friend Morgie's horse, Coal, a few times now. She looooves to visit and ride Coal. I don't necessarily have the same excitement level she does because I'm slightly intimidated by such a large critter and honestly, my allergies prevent me from getting ga-ga over anything that causes me so much sinus strife.

We were celebrating the summer kick off with a camping trip during opening weekend at Camp Shelly in South Lake Tahoe. We've camped there a few summers now and passed Camp Richardson Corral many times. This year, however, I thought to myself "why not take a trail ride?". We've always talked about checking it out and for some reason I felt that this time was the right time. A lot of changes happening in our lives (Mags to middle school/new school, me being laid off) so it felt like I should embrace something adventurous and new. If you must know, I'm often risk-averse with these sorts of things so deciding to ride a horse for an hour is not exactly momentous for most, but for me it's a step into a larger world.

When we arrived we were able to pet some of the horses. After the ride before us returned we were asked about our level of riding experience. Maggie got a horse named Foxy who was a former barrel runner. Foxy loved to break into a trot for no other reason than she could. One of the ranch hands there asked me my level of experience and I simply told him it had been a while and might as well consider me a greenhorn. He jokingly said my horse would be "Bonecrusher".. hee hee! Chris and I both thought about the scene in Auntie Mame where she has never ridden before but wants to impress her beau - Beuregard Jackson Pickett Burnside ☺ and her nemesis Sally Cato offers Auntie Mame a horse. When the horse is brought up it kicks in the trailer and is going bugnuts. Mame asks Sally what the horses name is and Sally, in her sickly sweet southern drawl, says Meditation.

Turns out my horse was named Two Bit. He was on the smaller side (I'm barely 5'3") and seemed sweet as could be. He was a little late to turn up because he had to take one more "smile break". I immediately identified with Two Bit. I have the smallest bladder in the world and always go (whether I think I have to or not) before embarking on adventure. Yes, in fact, I went TWICE in the span of time we arrived for our ride and saddling up. What of it?!?! I could barely get my foot up into the stirrup (that is QUITE a stretch, isn't it?) and probably made Two Bit uncomfortable trying to hoist my other leg over. Immediately I felt it was a big mistake. I became nervous being so high up and in such an UNCONTROLLED environment. I sought to calm myself immediately remembering that animals sense fear and tried to find peace in the saddle. Chris was taking photos and before I knew it we were off! He had to run up and hand me the camera, but I thought "how the hell am I supposed to hold the reins, grip this knob thingy for dear life and take photos?" Oh dear... I was in over my head.

I did attempt to take a photo of Maggie who was right behind me on Foxy, but only once. I was chanting in my head "where the head goes the body follows" and kept forward-facing most of the time. I was immediately behind the two guides, but one peeled off to bring up the rear.

Cody, our main guide, was a real cowboy, no joke. He was really cool, collected and had a slow-drawl. Cody rode a horse named Fat Boy. Immediately I think of the ice cream treat and love his name. Not to be indelicate, Fat Boy had a big arse. He was aptly named. The Sir Mixx Alot song "Baby Got Back" sprung to mind. You can take the girl out of Stockton.... Anyhoo, Back to Cody - he was wearing a plaid shirt like all the other ranch hands, but his cowboy hat just seemed to fit perfectly, not like a costume prop. He had leather gloves sticking out of his back pocket which seemed real cowboy-y to me for some reason. I had seen him earlier fixing a floor board on the porch and smoking a cigarette later around the horses. On the trail he had chew tucked in his lip and every now and then he'd spit off to the side. Normally smoking and chew gross me out, but something about it gave to the full experience and if I was in a brawl, I'd want Cody in my corner as he seemed like one BAMF.

All was well as we rode along and I tried to gain my confidence. The whole time I kept giving Two Bit pats near the mane telling him "good boy". Cody told me that Two Bit is good on the trail and will just plod along but if I wanted to try second gear to give him two hard kicks in the side. OMG... KICK a beautiful animal? I was so reticent to do this. I know that in the grand scheme of things Two Bit wouldn't really feel much, but the mere thought of kicking an animal kind of made me weak in the knees. I attempted it, but gingerly and Cody urged me on so I gave Two Bit two hard kicks and held on for dear life. I felt like I might bounce right off and if ever there was a time to feel some fear, surely now was appropriate. Two Bit caught up to Cody and Fat Boy and stopped. Did I mention yet how when I heard Two Bit's name I went all Stockton again and thought "Fiddy Cent"? Yeah, I don't know why, but it was rattling in my head making me giggle. At one point Two Bit stopped dead. I wasn't sure what was happening and in a couple of heartbeats I considered kicking him. So I gently kicked and nothing happened. Then Maggie told me that he was going #1. HAA!!! Glad I didn't kick harder. Nothing would upset me more than someone walking in on me going tinkle and kicking me. Finally Two Bit resumed his walk.

Behind me Maggie and Foxy were getting on fine and every now and then I'd hear Maggie giggle as I heard Foxy's pace quicken to a trot. There were two others in our group a mum and her 6yr old from Wales. The 6yr old, Lily, rides every weekend. I was feeling outclassed by a 6yr old for sure. In my head I just kept repeating toes up, heels down to keep my balance. I felt totally off kilter the whole time. Then... it happened... Fat Boy stopped short to presumably use the loo, but was taking FOREVERRRRRR. Now I'm thinking about Morty Ballstein in Zoolander trying to go to the loo. Apparently Two Bit was bored and nudged Fat Boy in the bum with his head, he may have even nipped him, but I couldn't see too well. When that didn't work, Two Bit turned around and trotted off of the trail right into the forest because he saw something tasty to snack! Holy crap!!!! What am I supposed to do now?!?! Though, full respect to Two Bit cos I'm a girl who loves to eat (check two - another thing in common).

Cody, ever the cool bad ass, just tells me to direct him with the reins, pull up and kick. He also says keep a firm grip on the reins as Two Bit is known for doing this.. he likes to test and will shake the reins out of his riders hands freeing himself from control to graze as he pleases. He says all of this so casually like this was not a crisis situation. Meanwhile I'm mildly freaking out in the saddle. I take a breath to calm myself, pull left on the reins, up and kick hard. Two Bit and I are back on the trail - huzzah! Meanwhile, that fat ass Fat Boy didn't even squeeze out a drop in that whole 4 minutes of mild terror!!! Cody explains that Two Bit is actually pretty wily for his size and people often underestimate him. They refer to him as "Small, but mighty". Hmm.... okay check 3, Two Bit. You and I are really starting to feel like a perfect match. Even though I'm not exactly confident now, once I do get footing in something I tend to be mildly cheeky as well. Often, people don't know the might inside of me unless I'm pushed.

So onward we go... up, up and up the trail where we get a spectacular view of Lake Tahoe. Cody is kind enough to offer to take a picture of Maggie and I on Foxy and Two Bit with our camera. He has to keep a wary eye on Fat Boy who has a proclivity for running off. Cody tells me he's had to walk back to the ranch at least once. Cody positions us so we're blocking Fat Boy in behind us a bit. Hopefully this keeps him in check. ☺

The rest of the ride is enjoyable and I'm finally feeling more comfortable with this new situation and lack of perceived control. Two Bit grazes me up against a pine tree and my left knee gets smashed between him and the bark - OUCH. Hey Two Bit, I thought we were friends! We begin our descent back to the ranch and instead of staying on the trail he trots right into the forest again, deeper this time and as I look back toward the trail it's nothing but pine tree and a wall of a manzanita. He begins munching again and Cody, once more, urges me to direct and kick. I yank up hard on the reins, but Two Bit doesn't stop his incessant snacking. As he leans farther down I start to feel like I'm going to go ass over teakettle over the front. Cody tells me to REALLY yank up hard and show him who's boss! I take a deep breath, yank up hard and kick him. Uh oh.. now we're heading right into that wall of pines and manzanita and I quickly adjust the reins when I spot a decent hole out. Back on the trail. ☺

We make it back and I hop off, Two Bit now bellied up to the bar (trough). I give him a pat, take his photo and he gives me a sidelong glance as I depart. Mags and I waited for Chris a few minutes. He took Darwin down to the beach to play while we were on the trail. Did I tell you that Darwin HATES horses?

Chris comes back and just before we leave I notice Two Bit is back at his spot on the posts to rest. I tell Chris about Two Bit who was busy scratching his eye on the fence post and when he heard my voice he stopped and turned toward me and then came around to where I was. I reached out to stroke his muzzle. He leaned in and closed his eyes. We stayed like that for a while. Eventually, I asked Chris to get a photo with Two Bit and me before we go.


Two Bit reminded me a lot about myself on our ride. Not just the constant-bathroom breaks or love of eating, but with my recent layoff I was feeling adrift and helpless, out of control. Also, by the way when you get right down to it.. it's PERCEIVED control, because nothing is really ever in our control. Two Bit taught me it's okay to meander and be out of control. He taught me that when I feel small, I can dig deep and be mighty. Two Bit reminded me to trust my instincts and believe in myself. He reminded me to just pull up on the reins (not just a clever saying, now I know what it means literally and figuratively) and KICK!!!!!!

Giddyap!

2,920 days (give or take)

Today, after 8 years of employment, I finish up my last day at my job. This is the second time in my life being laid off from a job/company. The last layoff in 2003 lead me to this job which worked well for our family. For that, I am grateful. It also allowed me to become friends with a really awesome person, so I am grateful for that as well.

It is time for reflection and soul-searching. This year I will turn 40 so I have some existential musings going in my head. So far I only know what I do NOT want to do with the bulk of my weekday breathing hours. Hopefully the proverbial windows will open now that this door is shut and a path will shine before me so that I may travel upon it.

I guess I still have to figure out what I want to be when I grow up ☺

Peach Cobbler

It's been a long, up and down week so last night I decided to make a peach cobbler on the fly. There is something special about fresh baked goodies that soothe a soul even if it's 90 degrees outside!

The recipe - MOM'S BISQUICK COBBLER originated from Cooks.com. I used fresh cut up white peaches (4) and also added ground cinnamon and ground cardamom to my cut up peaches, incorporated and let them sit for about 20 minutes before adding to the cobbler and baking.

Below is my augmentation of the original recipe.

Andie's Bisquick Cobbler

• 2T butter
• 1C Bisquick
• 1/2C sugar
• 1/2C milk
• 3C (4 medium) white peaches
  
• Ground cinnamon to taste
• Ground cardamom to taste

Turn oven to 375°F.

Cut up peaches. Add cinnamon and nutmeg to peaches, mix and let rest for 20 minutes.

Melt 2 tablespoons butter in 8 x 8 inch baking dish.

Mix Bisquick, sugar, and milk. Pour over melted butter. Spoon fruit over.
If using canned peaches, pour on some of the juice also.

Bake at 375°F for 30 minutes.

Everyone loved it! It would be a great camping dessert done over the campfire in a Dutch oven!

The Awakening

The Daily Show is a tiny bit behind the curve, but still spot-on. I walked in on my husband about 3 weeks ago watching the unthinkable...... cable news shows broadcasting election coverage already. GASP!!!!!

Yes, it is JUST like this absolutely hysterical "trailer" starring TDS's John Oliver. Click link below to see the future 18 months of horror.

Indecision 2012: The Awakening

"I can feel my soul..... slipping away......"

Craft Hope: project 12 - Update!

80 bracelets completed and ready to be shipped off to Craft Hope: project 12 tomorrow. YAY! Thanks to my daughter Maggie for helping me make some of these fab bracelets.

Mags calls this presentation a Bowl of Friendship (bracelet) Soup. ♥

International Yarn Bombing Day.

June 11th was International Yarn Bombing Day AND Knitting in Public Day. I knew June 11th was fast-approaching, but yet I had so much going on that I left it to the last minute. Nothing like flying by the seat of your pants! I accomplished both feats yesterday - hooray!

I am not brave and growing up (even still) I'm a follow the letter of the law kind of gal. I would also tell you that I'm extremely risk-averse almost to the point of being allergic - itchy and hiccupy.

Yet, as I get older (and I will be turning 40 this year, but I refuse to consider this a "mid-life crisis" but existential musings) I have become more outspoken, ballsy and brash.
I do things according to how they make me happy and if I bring some sunshine to someone along the way, then all the better. If someone doesn't like me or my style - poo-poo sayeth I - just like Madeline.

This is my second yarn bomb. The first one I did under the cover of night. This one I allowed myself to be more bold. Also, I didn't really have a choice because hubby and I were going on a date... drive-in movie to see Super 8 (which was AWESOME... totally mint ☺) and we wouldn't be getting home until close to midnight.

I hadn't even measured my piece. So fly-by-the-seat of my pants .. I just cast on and knit something and hoped it would fit. We arrived at our location at 6pm.. still very light out and busy-ish because downtown Livermore (and Livermore in general) was lively with the annual Rodeo. The parade had passed by earlier that morning and there were a lot of crowds and police presence.

My hands were slightly sweaty in that nervous way and my heart was beating fast. The location I picked to install was lined with motorist waiting to cross the intersection. Apparently I got a lot of stares.




Even more risky was the fact that there was a Police van parked one car up from my position. Still, I calmed myself, steadied my hands and worked feverishly. This is not something I would have ever dreamed of doing when I was growing up. My parents were very strict and not exactly impulsive people therefore I was never an impulsive kid or early adult. I wonder what they would say, were they alive.



Installation complete and I only hope it will last 24 hours and dare I dream... a week.



I've got the taste again to do more installations around town with my signature rainbowy colors. A lot of people might say "what a waste of time and yarn", but I'm a process knitter. While I do appreciate a finished project, it's the journey I enjoy. The gentle slide-click of my knitting needles, the feel of the yarn in my fingers and the way fabric develops before my very eyes. I'm making something, essentially, from two sticks and a piece of string.... almost something from nothing. Some others may say it's defacing public property. Well, in a way it is, but it's non-permanent and non-harming like spray paint or scratches or other graffiti. One snip of my scissors and my yarnbomb becomes merely a vestige of the tiniest yarn fibres floating away on the wind.

I hope people walk along, spot my yarnbomb and smile. If I can brighten up someone's otherwise dreary day or give them an unexpected splash of color it's been a good day.

Have I mentioned...

that I am an ABSOLUTE KOOK for rainbows???

The photo of some cupcakes I made for a friend's birthday recently was requested to be shared on the Edible Rainbow Flickr group...


Well, while I was perusing with technicolor foods I saw this magical Jell-O creation!!!

Another turning point...

Green Day is right....time does grab us by the wrist and directs us where to go. I have a hard time not asking why, but I think that's human. Yesterday was Maggie's last day in elementary school. I'm not sure when schools shifted from 6th grade starting middle school. In my day (uh oh.. did I just really type that like an old fogey?!?!) middle school was 7th and 8th grade.

Do any of you watch Modern Family? If not, you should. I think it's funny for everyone, but most especially if you're a parent. If you've seen the episode where Claire and Phil's middle child, Alex, is graduating 8th grade you'll get this ... totally. Yesterday, Chris walked up to me and gave me a good morning kiss. He stepped back and looked at my now-welled up eyes and said "hey, are you okay?" And I just squeaked out a tiny "yes". Then, with all the humor I could muster I said "Hysterical wife. Hysterical wife. Hysterical wife. Jackpot." ☺ I was welling up because this is the visage I was gazing upon before he walked up to give me that smooch.



This is, of course, in reference to the Modern Family episode "See you Next Fall" where Phil explains Claire is solid, but then falls apart the day after a family milestone and he is left to pick up the pieces. The only problem is... the day after Alex's graduation, he was supposed to go to Vegas with his former male college cheerleader buds. (Insert SNORT LAUGH here) therefore he kept trying to make her fall apart the day of the milestone instead. Heh heh.

I'm happy to say I have been absolutely tear-free today and I even managed to keep it together during yesterday's final 5th grade Survivor party. Yay! I guess I'll have to let you know about tomorrow.......

Life with Flat Stanley

I am missing my friend Flat Stanley. My friend Michelle's youngest son Lewis (8) sent us his Flat Stanley all the way from Balbardie Primary School in Scotland!

For those of you who do not know about Flat Stanley it's a book by Jeff Brown (1964) about a boy who gets flattened by a bulletin board (but doesn't get hurt.. it's a children's story) which allows him to go on great adventures sliding under door cracks and the like. In 1995 the Flat Stanley Project was created by a teacher in Ontario by the name of Dale Hubert. The project encourages letter-writing, literacy and bringing our big world together by having school-aged children around age 8, color and send their Flat Stanley to someone in the world to learn about a new geographic location and community.

Originally the task was designated to our daughter, but the end of school year madness, school play and the like did not seem to lend itself to such an auspicious task. Enter yours truly who does not like to do things by half-measures. Flat Stanley became my shadow and he was tucked away with me at all times for chronicling his adventures. I was sad we didn't get a chance to visit San Francisco and take him to a baseball game, see the Golden Gate bridge or take his photo with other notable landmarks. Seems that our Flat Stanley brought a bit of Scotland's weather and our spring turned back to winter with big rainstorms precluding good photo-ops on his last weekend with us.

I was sad to package everything up and send Flat Stanley back to Scotland. He became part of our family. But all good things must come to an end and Dr. Seuss said "Don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened". So that is what I will do... look back at our fun times and smile.

Here is a little video tribute I put together of our time with Flat Stanley.

Miles of Smiles

I love driving through town running errands with my co-pilot, Darwin.

Darwin is our Labradoodle ... a big, cocoa colored, curly canine. He's never met a stranger. Well, I should say there are a few individuals for which he took umbrage, but it is very few. He loves to meet new people, push up against their legs and look up over his shoulder to show that he really appreciates the lovin'. We can't walk very long without someone coming up and asking us "what kind of dog is that?" or "may I pet your dog?".

So, too, is the experience while riding in our car. Darwin is a "front seat dog" when he's with either my hubby or I driving alone. If it's the whole family, he's in the back with our daughter hanging out of his respective window. Yesterday I went to the bank for work and asked Darwin if he wanted to go for a ride. Of course, he said yes. Also, my hubby taught him to find and bring us his own collar so he's outfitted for a road trip. How cool is that?! My hubby is awesome and so is Darwin!

I was driving to the bank feeling a bit melancholy because this is the final two weeks of work for me and I won't be doing this anymore. Well, I was lost in my own thoughts at a stop light when I noticed a woman pull up along side me very slowly... she was smiling ear to ear at Darwin with his happy face out of the window soaking up all of the smells rushing into his nose. Just seeing her happy smile lifted my spirits and made my morning brighter. It gives me such joy to see how much joy Darwin imparts on our world with his mere existence and foppish doggy grin. It reminded me of one of my favorite dog quotes by Milan Kundera:

"Dogs are our link to paradise. They don't know evil or jealousy or discontent. To sit with a dog on a hillside on a glorious afternoon is to be back in Eden, where doing nothing was not boring - it was peace."


So I thank my dearest curly son for his ability to bring peace and joy to all in his path and for giving me glimpses of paradise along the way.

Baby Steps

I'm growing up too fast. Wait, not me, my daughter. Today was her first school dance. At our school, the last Middle school dance (school is K-8) welcomes 5th graders as they get ready to enter 6th. This event has been the talk of the year. I have heard this dance discussed, ad nauseum, since August 28th, 2010.

Now the day is finally here. I offered to help chaperone the event and show up 30 minutes before the dance is to start. I had to bring something to M in her class and as I pass the girls and boys bathrooms each are filled with respective 5th grade boys and girls primping for the dance. The bell rings and students are to line up to enter the dance in the Multipurpose Room (MPR). All I can tell you is the area surrounding the kids was absolutely electric. The 5th graders were filled with so much energy. As I survey the crowd, they look as if they will absolutely burst from the anticipation. Also, the air is thick with the precipitate of different Axe cologne scents which settles into the back of my throat.

Once inside, it's dark. The strobe lights and colorful disco lights are going and the music is pumping. Who's got the 8-0-8? LVCS has got it in spades, baby! A 3pm dance doesn't seem as threatening as a dance held at night, but nevertheless as I look around I'm prepared to go Bobby Boucher (aka The Waterboy) on any boy that dares get too cheeky with my M.

I was just hoping there would be no kerfuffle and that no one would cry. SUCCESS! I worked concessions with another parent for a while.... we ran out of sodas about 1 hour into the 2 hour dance. When I replied we only had water, you'd think I had told the kids we only had bottles marked poison. M&M's, Corn Nuts, Skittles... almost all of the inventory was gone by the end of the night. I sort of felt badly for the parents of the kids who had made several trips to the snack bar... sorry for your neon-vibrating sugared up kid! By the way, is it normal for me to still see that strobe light flickering a few hours post dance? ACK!

My M had a GREAT time. A few times I caught glimpses of her up on the speakers dancing in front of the DJ with her friends. Joie de Vivre! She was quite giddy because 3 boys asked her to dance. I am not as giddy, but respect the excitement. It's times like this I miss my mom a lot. Though I dare she might have admonished me for letting M go at all. So, I feel like maybe I'm growing up alright, after all.

Things on my to-do list before the next school dance as I fear the queue of dance partners will only increase henceforth...... continue to build upper body strength and book an appointment the gun range to perfect my dead-eye.

Whooooooooo!

I love my silly and super fun hubby.
I walked into the kitchen to prepare our daughter's lunch as he was preparing her breakfast. ☺

Craft Hope: project 12

I've always enjoyed being crafty and I have a deep love for charity work especially benefiting children. I'm especially soft in the heart for orphans. I lost both my parents when I was young (dad when I was 18 and mom when I was 20). Of course, I consider myself incredibly fortunate to have had a wonderful life with both of them as long as I did. Compared to some of the very young orphaned children in this world, my life was easy.

I saw a TRULY inspirational video yesterday about Maggie Doyne of BlinkNow in Huffington Post's Greatest Person of the Day feature. When she was 18 and college-bound she decided to take one year off and set out in the world to see if she could effect some change. This young lady made me so proud and she's not even MY daughter. Her story touched my heart and I plan to donate to her charity. She's a living, vibrant example about how each one of us has the power to do something amazing in our world and effect real change in our community called Earth. I encourage you to read the story and watch the video if you have a chance. It brought tears to my eyes and put wind in my sails.

When I saw the call for Craft Hope's project 12 both my daughter and I knew we wanted to participate. What girl doesn't love to make a friendship bracelet? It's a small enough project with simple, cost effective materials and easy enough to do anywhere. It's been a great bonding time for my daughter and I. I appreciate how she gets that there is more than just her in this world and that she can do a kindly thing for a stranger in need. I call her my little Bodhisattva.

The deadline for turning in the bracelets is June 15th so we're in the final push to make more, more more!

We have a handful so far which were made with great love and intention.



If you're a crafty sort or want to revisit making friendship bracelets, please consider contributing toward this wonderful outreach project - Craft Hope: project 12.

Blessings

I'm taking my own advice today and counting my blessings. When our daughter can't sleep sometimes I tell her "count your blessings" instead of counting sheep. I do this a lot on a regular basis, but lately I've felt a crushing weight on me. The month of May was wonderful, but peppered with strange and upsetting potholes in the road of life.

A couple weeks ago I returned from a fantastic family trip to Disneyland. A trip there restores my inner child and sense of magic. So I return to work on a Tuesday and have some small talk with my boss who then says "I can't afford to keep you." That was quite a blow to the gut. Business has been dicey due to the economy and effects of the recent quake/tsunami in Japan on a pass-through customer of ours. There had been talk of reducing everyone's salaries a few months prior so I was prepared for that or offering to go part-time, but I wasn't prepared to be the one to be cut loose, not after 8 years of loyalty and experience. I wasn't prepared to know that I would be eventually handing all of my hard work over to a temp who is staying instead of me. Basically I've been experiencing the Kübler-Ross stages at the top and half of every hour, sometimes even within 10 minutes. It's like riding a roller coaster.

I am no stranger to being laid off. I was laid off in 2003 which allowed me to find this job at 35% of my old dotcom salary. It gave me flexibility and freedom to work and nurture our then 3-year old. Eventually, I worked from home which came at a time just as she was entering Kindergarten. Now that she is on the verge of entering middle school I find myself at another impasse. Oddly, I'm having a more concentrated reaction to this layoff than the one in 2003. I'm almost 40 and know that my next work effort needs to nourish my soul as well as our bank account. Call it an existential crisis or "midlife crisis" (ew, wait, let's not), but if I have to work I know it needs to be something I will truly enjoy and that will give back to the community somehow.

So, I find myself noodling, taking any and all suggestions and advice from wonderful friends on my future and trusting that everything happens for the greater good. Still, there are times when I feel as if I'm the lowest common denominator. My boss told me my work is great and that was not his reasoning and I said "I know my work is good", because I do. I'm a hard worker and have been for 8 years totally unsupervised. I'm sure a lot of people would take advantage of a home-gig, but I'm always accountable for myself.

As I noodle about the future, I remind myself to count my blessings. I reflect each day on the things that really matter in life. Here is a partial list:

• The nightly ritual my hubby and I have when we read in bed before falling asleep - foot, calf and back massage.
• My hubby's preternaturally soft feet.
• The way our daughter makes me feel as if I can do anything in the world, successfully.
  
• Snuggling with our daughter.
• How supportive my husband is during this tumultuous time. He is my rock, my True North and makes me feel safe.
  
• The way our dog Darwin rubs himself along the sides of our bed so it feels like a shark is circling us and I get all anxious and giddy thinking he may jump up for a smooch.
• The down-alternative mattress topper we bought a couple weeks ago that gives us a scooshy soft bed because our really nice pillow top mattress is 10 years old and hardened due to being encased in a hermetically sealed anti-dust mite casing. No more waking up with a sore back and hips!
  
• Good friends. The kind that make you laugh, and break bread with and the ones you think are distant, but really shine through with words of wisdom at just the right time.
• The way my hubby gets up in the morning and makes sure my extra blanket is pulled up over me so I don't get cold when he leaves the bed.
• The way Nature always presents me with beautiful glimpses of wonder to remind me I am small, but if I open my heart and mind I will see amazingly incredible things.
• Recently chaperoning a field trip and some school events where I was able to take photos and share with parents that couldn't be there.
  
• Making people laugh or smile.
• How ironically content and safe I feel when our daughter wraps her arms around me to give comfort.
  
• Rainbows. Yes, as a child of the 80's I still love rainbows. I saw one after work the day I found out I was being laid off. I was a Trader Joe's and just finished getting dinner fixings. I saw the rainbow and it made me smile and then I cried because Nature showed me something beautiful to remind me.